The subtle darkness, the Anime, the food, the mystery, the fashion, the people, the technology. Hopefully one day, I can make my dream come true and visit.
One of the smartest, most sweetest women I’ve come to know in my entire existence My aunt Daisy. She wasn’t really my aunt, she was my cousin’s aunt but I’ve known her my entire life and is pretty much literally family. A two time cancer survivor, a strong, intelligent; mother, sister, aunt, and friend.
She was a woman who was respected, admired, and loved dearly. A woman who always knew what to say at the right time, she was very wise. I never had a personal 1-on-1 relationship with her, but I loved her like a relative and that’s all that mattered.
As upset as I am, I can’t even begin to imagine how my cousin’s and my uncles feel. Today is my cousin’s Pablo’s 22nd birthday today, and he was the one I received the news from, and I knew it turned his world upside down. Same for her two sons who mean everything to her and vice versa. I just wish I could be there physically for them, and it fucking sucks that I can’t do anything from here but be there in spirit.
Its getting difficult to type this while having to hold back tears as I’m typing this at my college campus. Why is it every year I lose someone I love? First Gavin in 2010, then my great grandmother last year, and now my aunt? This shit isn’t fucking fair. They hit closer to home every time? Who’s next, me? To be real honest, I’d rather go than to watch others I love go before me.
My fondest memory of her was on Christmas Eve in 2008, we had a family get together. And we were playing a game with gifts (I forget what it’s called) and at the end of it, she told all of us something important. She said that whether we can afford presents or not, no matter how nice the presents get, the most important gift of all is that we all have each other, and that’s what will always matter most.
I can sit here and babble on and on about that wonderful lady, but I don’t need to. If you’ve sat and read this far, then thank you very much. It means a lot to me. I know you’re up there looking down on us, and I know you’re not up there suffering anymore from that damn cancer hurting you. Just help guide us into making the right decisions in life. Make sure to tell my great grandmother, and Jessie, and Gavin that I love them with all of me and I miss them so much.
I’ll see you soon. Rest in peace, I love you Titi. <3
And that’s how my lotion comes out. Lmao. #fucklove #nofilter (Taken with Instagram)
I’m tired. Tired of my own problems. Tired of being so conserved. Tired of people. I have enough problems and I’m miserable enough. I don’t need to pile on the misery and grief. I have such a heavy mind and heavy heart. As sick as it sounds, its times like this where I’d rather be in a casket underground than up here.
I know misery loves company, but that’s not what I want. I don’t want anyone else to have to bare this too. I’d give up everything for peace of mind. I don’t know how much more I can take. But when does it ALL end? When?
Because I’m tired.
After watching some stuff I came to a realization. You can’t really count on anyone else to make you happy, or to understand. Or to even care for that matter. Well, nobody can love you like yourself, for better or worse. So, here’s to me…and me.
My followers and the people I follow help keep me somewhat sane. You guys are the shit. :)